New Fiction Idea #10

For those of you who don't know my fan fiction life:

I started a crossover series with human!Hetalians fighting in the Hunger Games. I finished said crossover series. Depressed at no longer having a premise to kill the Hetalians, I thought up a premise that wasn't a crossover with the Hunger Games. Then I went back and decided to continue earlier series and abandoned the non-crossover idea. Before I picked it up again, I tried to see if it would work as an original fiction. I haven't put much thought into it since breaking down and writing The Rules in its originally-intended form, but here's what I ended up with.

Title: The Rules

Genre: Horror/Suspense

Protagonist: Lars, a twenty-something man with very curly blonde hair. He tends to focus too much on work rather than his family, but he does love them.

Other Main Characters/Antagonists: Shelby, a nine-year-old with light blonde hair and Lars' daughter.
Leah, a fourteen-year-old with hair like her father (Lars), she likes to bicker with her sister but is actually pretty brave.
John, a sixty-something man with grey hair and thick glasses. He is a devout Evangelical Christian minister and widower.
Leslie, a brunette party girl in her early twenties. She's very giggly and enthusiastic, and she does not yet know she's pregnant.
Stuart, an African-American man in his early twenties. He's been Leslie's friend since junior high, and he's been crushing on her for a while.
Stephen, a high school loser with cropped brown hair. He's a coward and is fine with using dirty tricks to get what he wants.
Vanessa, a 17-year-old girl with her dark hair in a bun. She's very much the bookish type and only ended up at a party after much coaxing. She gets a bit unhinged after she figures out what Stephen did to her at and after said party.
Rick, an African-American man in his thirties with a habit of selling prescription painkillers. He has a heart, though he's very self-centered.
Cassandra, a twenty-something woman with scraggly dirty blonde hair. She's very much addicted to prescription painkillers and suffering from it (in case her abusive husband wasn't enough to wreck her mentally).
William, a twenty-something Indian businessman. He's quite intelligent and charming, though things can quickly get out of hand if he's angered (which is a rare enough occasion).
Sharon, a very pretty Arabic woman and William's recent wife. She's quiet but graceful.
Chester, a 19-year-old Video Game Design major with wavy blonde hair. He gets really into games and will consider some fairly serious things as games.

Setting: A modern-day cheap, somewhat run-down hotel. It's haunted by a previous victim of The Rules and staffed by people who know what's going on but can't stop it.

Plot: The hotel guests wake and arrive for breakfast at the same time. When they head back to their rooms, on each bed is a note (which may sound familiar) that reads:

The Rules

1. For each of you, there is a certain person in this hotel you must kill.

2. If you kill your person, you will go home.

3. If you do not kill your person, you will not go home.

4. Enjoy your newfound immortality while it lasts.

Accompanying the note is one six-shot revolver for each occupant of the room. Vanessa is the first to experiment (firing on Stephen), and soon the hotel devolves into murderous chaos as the occupants try to escape or kill their people while they're still coming back to life.

Point of View: First person, switching between each guest.

I've certainly worked some things out about this alternate version, though I've very much let it rest as the fan fiction version came out. The bit on immortality seems a bit harder to swallow here (maybe a setting change would somehow fix it, though I can't imagine how), and I'm just overall not sure about it. It's certainly an option to toy with, though.