Prompt Writing #9

Prompt [veiledinspiration]:

"I’ve had the dish ten or twelve times, but this time it tasted sort of funny."

Randomly Selected Story and Character: Dead Man's Hand, Helen

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I'm eating, I'm eating!" Helen shoved a forkful of rice and General Tso's chicken into her mouth. "Gaw."

Her brother tightened his lips and checked the front door again. No one hovering outside. No one coming in, either, not without triggering the chiming bells tied to the inside handle. Inside the buffet, it was just them and the usual staff. Two-o-clock wasn't the busiest hour after all.

Helen paused in her chewing, squinting at her plate of food. She swallowed and said—something that was lost to Chinese shouts from the kitchen area.

"What?" Adrian frowned, rapping his knuckles against the table until he realised he was doing it.

Helen sighed into her straw, one bubble of Coca-Cola popping under her nose. "Nothing, nothing. I'll keep eating, don't worry." She swallowed another bite of chicken and rice. "It just tastes a little different today. Maybe not as many peppers or something." She used her fork to flick one aforementioned pepper away from her next bite.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Her brother grabbed her wrist. "Stop."

Glaring, she sniffed. "One or the other would have worked. Gaw, you're so bossy."

"Bossy? I—" He trailed off into grunts between gritted teeth before shaking his head. "Helen, there are people trying to kill you. Don't eat food that tastes funny!"

She rolled her eyes. "It's not that funny. I promise if I taste poison I'll stop." She shook her wrist out of his grip. "Besides, you're the one that decided this place was safe."

As he eyed a worker girl restocking the crab rangoon, Adrian steepled his fingers in front of his nose and let out a tense breath. "Well, that was a few minutes ago. What you're telling me now is that it might not be that safe."

"No, what I'm telling you now is—Augh!" She slammed her fork down. "Fine, I'll just starve! Let's get out of here." Pushing herself up with her palms, she stood.

"Helen—Helen!" Her brother leaped after her as she charged for the door. "We haven't even paid."

She snorted, snaking around one of the steaming buffet lines. "I'm not paying them if they're trying to poison me."

"At least—"

He cut off as the worker girl charged for his sister. Swearing, he put his hand to his gun as yellow light glinted off a knife in the Asian woman's hands. Before he could get a good shot, Helen screamed, grabbing a plate or two off the stack and slamming it onto her attacker's head. With a porcelain crash, shards slammed into the sneeze guards as the worker staggered back. Adrian took his chance and fired. The woman with the knife stumbled backward from the impact and hit the floor.

 Panting, Helen pulled a lock of hair out of her mouth and looked at her brother. "You still want to pay them?"

"Nope." Stashing his gun, he grabbed her wrist and ran for the door before any shouting from the kitchen could come closer. 

A Character Comparison

After recently getting the impression that a certain Phoenix Wright character was a lot like one of mine, I got the idea to try matching the characters from that game to others I created myself. I'm not sure precisely when I started playing Phoenix Wright, but the majority of my characters were created before I had ever heard of it. So this is just a compilation of interesting coincidences, I suppose.

1. The One Who Started It All: Jake Marshall

While his Wild West persona is the most obvious thing about him, for some reason he seriously reminds me of Smith. While I don't think the blues guitarist carries a flask with him or references Texas often, their basic behaviour and tone really seem to be the same. Low-key, a little snide... It's a little hard to say precisely, but there's definitely an eerie similarity there. Their expressions seem to be the same as well. Now here's hoping I don't start writing Smith and suddenly find him calling everyone "bambina" or "hombre"...

2: Kicking Rear with a Loveable Smile: Desirée DeLite

Although I don't imagine her being quite as devoted to her man as the lady above, I think Cayman might be a good match in this case. Both are thrill-seekers, get (and spend) a lot of money because of their husband/boyfriend (who is notably less strong), and give off the impression that they can more than hold their own despite their sweet smiles. They're both pretty determined and active as well, and I could really imagine Cayman using the same poses and gestures as Desirée. I'm not so sure that Cayman drives a motorbike, but anything's possible.

3: The Big-Hearted Big Guy with Not-Such-a-Big Brain: Dick Gumshoe

I didn't think I had any major characters in this, but then I realised a certain scruffy detective is actually a lot like Edwin. Neither could ever be called the brains of the group (of, if they can, the circumstances are pretty dire), but they're still good for a lot more than comic relief. They have their own useful skill sets, both of which include being the imposing one who'll take a hit if it will help the rest of the group keep going. Interestingly, Gumshoe is my favourite character in the series, and Edwin, while not quite up with the competition among all of my other characters, was good enough to receive one of my favourite names for a boy.

4: We Take Our Crimes Seriously: Lana Skye

While there may be an "Adrian" in the game, Lana is the one who reminds me of my own Adrian. Rather cold, rather outspoken when angry, and not terribly much range of facial expression overall. Both have more or less been criminals for a span not entirely voluntarily, but, more importantly, both defend their little sisters fiercely. They may not seem all that similar in, say, the severity of their crimes, but there's definitely a connection.

5: Arrogant Within Reason: Maximilian Galactica

While I still get the feeling that this is a little contrived, somehow I quickly identified Max with Harold. Although both have rather wild hair—Harold's is neon green and spiked—Harold isn't nearly as "fabulous" (nor does he overuse, or probably even use the word), he doesn't call anyone "sweetie," and he doesn't have any interest in magic tricks. Yet both are ambitious and competitive, with rivals in their own group (both of which end up losing their romantic interest battles to the formers). As far as I've gathered, both also come from large families that they don't talk about because they're busy with their current occupations and don't really want to talk about it, as non-traumatic as it may have been. I can't imagine Harold using any of the same poses as Max, and the former has a much more casual speech pattern overall, but somehow they seem alike. Oh, and both of them do their best to not go by their given names.

That's all I can think up for now, but, with the number of characters I have, I could have missed some really good ones. I could try for a second instalment of this if anyone's interested.

The Action Girls

Somehow I got it into my head that I should rank my fighter girls in order of badbuttery. So here we are.

(Spot number one should probably belong to Rin, but her story hasn't been posted yet, so we'll skip over her for now. Ena should also be on here, but she has so little characterisation at this point it's hard to rank her.)

1. Michelle (The Long and Winding Road): She's not a part of the main story, and, at this point, I'm not entirely sure if she'll actually come up in discussions, but I would really like her to. My head-image of her is some sort of cross between Joan Jett and Pat Benatar. While she would qualify as "Most Likely to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse," she somehow seems to have, um, died in it a lot sooner than 5 or 6 on this list. Anyway, she was Emile's fiancee and kicked some serious rear in her time. She has the survival skills and combat skills necessary to get up this high on the list, and the calm and faithful way she handled her upcoming death (although she kind of got burnt alive by paranoid villagers before she could be zombie-fied as she expected) gets her the top spot.
2. Kaliause: Scatterbrained is certainly her normal mode, but thankfully her muscle memory doesn't seem to have been hit by her brain injury. Surviving on her own on a wartorn planet certainly isn't easy, nor is trying to keep Tommy alive when he stumbles across her path, but she handles it with the kind of ease that cements her spot in second place.
3. Loretta May: She may be a city girl, so she's not so experienced with wilderness survival, but she still hasn't had it easy. Surviving an abusive father and a bunch of other experiences with misogynists (although she does tend to think of all men as women-haters), she can handle herself just fine, whether she's executing a flawless robbery or striking and knifing her way out of a dark alleyway.
4. Cerise: A dark mistress of magic, she has to "mask" herself just to prevent her aura from attracting everyone's attention. She may not have skill with weapons, but when she can detonate an area in a snap, why bother tossing knives?
5. Rachel: Up against zombies and vampires alike and still having a blast with it, she plows herself across America with nothing but an RV and a good attitude. And a gun (which is why she's a bit lower than some of the close-combat users) and some friends, of course.
6. Charlotte: While her older brother and a few kindhearted villagers may be how she got through the worst part of the apocalypse, by the beginning of her story, she can hold her own against zombies and humans alike. A bit handicapped in total wilderness survival but an expert in scrounging through the remains of civilized areas, she's been through a lot but has come out rather bright and cheery. She's also very goal-driven, and not too terrible a shot.
7. Andromache: Although she could easily be called a pampered princess, that hasn't stopped her from getting a feel for the soldier's life. She may not be that tough physically, but she's got a good handle on magic and more than enough heart and loyalty to make up for it. She will be knocked down, but she will get back up.
8. Darla: Fearless in battle (perhaps not so much with real life), she can take a hit and deal one, too. She's not so hot once she's swordless, but she'll find a way to get her (or her opponent's) weapon back, and she's not afraid to take a few wounds in the meantime.
9. Pink: With a determination that can rip up mountains and cast them into the sea, she will not stop or take a detour. She's an average fighter and hasn't much experience with weapons, but she can run like nobody's business and, in her story, that's the only physical strength she really needs.
10. Scarlet: Fierce and proud, she'll whatever she has to to help her loved ones, even if that means bristling under the enemy's control until she can find a way out. She's not very tough physically, but she can figure out how to put a Cyber suit to good use, and she's not afraid to do so, either.
11. Michelle (Crime or Punishment): She may be quiet and a drug addict, but she's still a trained policewoman in an urban area, and she will kick rear by hand, gun, or nightstick. Only her fluctuating mental status keeps her down on the list.
12. Danielle: She's been trained as an assassin from a young age and can handle her job. Unfortunately, her story gets around to breaking her down more than 11.
13. Vanessa: She may be young and untrained, but she has a killer instinct and a pretty good trigger finger. Beware all who challenge her.
14. Athena: Being cast out from civilization, she's tough and knows how to survive. She's combative to a fault, but she'll still expend some of her strength to lend a hand.
15. Kori: A bit paranoid and bewildered, but she can use her brain, and she has excellent endurance. The whole bit about launching her corrosive blood at others or at inhuman barriers doesn't hurt her status.
16. M: She really has no idea what's going on, and she's not in terribly good condition physically. She does, however, have an astounding magical ability that only continues to grow stronger, along with her will, in the course of her story.
17. Josephine: She's rather frail and too lost to be very determined, but she's a swift runner and can be surprisingly strong when it comes to helping her allies. 
18. Helen: More stubborn than determined, she still has guts and isn't afraid to chuck a stiletto heel hard at somebody.
19. Sophia: Although she's a bit timid at the beginning of her story, she still develops and is fiercely devoted to her friends and getting them out of the cage alongside her.

A Very Good Place To Start

Story beginnings are an art form all their own. They have to ensnare the reader, set the tone, make promises about the whole story, and start building connections between the reader and the characters. Tall order, right?

Well, since one of the worst things in the world is a blank document with a line blinking mockingly at me, I have to get something out to start, whether it's the best line/spot to open or not. The perfect opening can wait until revision.

That's not to say I don't try to make the opening interesting and relevant in the first draft. In my serially-published fan fictions, I don't even have the chance to write the entire story and then edit it before posting. I just start.

Here are a few of my beginnings to compare:

"Holding her breath, Charlotte carefully aimed her rifle. The surest shot was right through the sorry creature's brain. That way, it couldn't even survive long enough to notice and attack her. So, she stayed quiet, watched the motion of its head, and...

With a sharp bang, her gun spat out its bullet, and the bit of metal buried itself in the creature's grey-green forehead. The monster fell to the ground dead long before the buzz faded from Charlotte's ears." 

— The Long and Winding Road (original version)

"I just manage to get the door closed behind me before I can be impaled by a rapier."

—Piracy Cruise Lines

"She awoke with asphalt grating her back. No warm light touched her face, and a look straight ahead to the sky confirmed the sun wasn’t out. Nor were any clouds, nor were stars. Only a vast black canvas hung above her.

Something seemed off about that."

—Chasers

"'Can you see anyone over there?' my brother starts, voice even more hushed than usual.

Taking a step onto the white path, I cringe as gravel scratches the blisters on my feet. As if standing on a sign of civilization wasn’t bad enough in itself. I do get a better view of the field from here, though. Maize in neat rows, dipping in the breeze, beckoning poor, starving souls towards them."

—Mayflies

As far as Dead Man's Hand goes, I felt like starting with the quote "Adrian had come to the conclusion that Nietzsche must have been a complete sociopath." But that would open the story with nothing but a while of reflection, and I know that I'm prone to putting the book down after a few paragraphs of that. Instead, I think I may start with Adrian procuring one of his cards for the round.

What kind of openings do you like? How long will you go on reading before you decide whether the book is worth continuing or not?

New Fiction Idea #32

The original random spark of an idea was using humans as trading cards, but it ended up turning out like this.

Working Title: Dead Man's Hand

Genre: Action/Adventure

Protagonist: Adrian, a twenty-something man with average-length, straight, brown hair and grey-green eyes. Fairly big-boned, he's tan but freckled. After a few years' history of killing target after target, he's trying to sort out his morals.

Other Main Character: Helen, Adrian's eighteen-year-old little sister. Tall, she has straight, dark brown hair to the middle of her back and is pretty but not beautiful. A bit of a brat sometimes (usually around her brother), she can be clingy but can take care of herself.

Antagonist: Various other members of the organisation.

Setting: Modern-day America, east coast. Adrian is part of an odd gambling organisation. It plays a card game, with cards carrying higher values than others. The players get their hands, and the one with the highest amount wins a very large amount of money. The cards are generated by a computer, which randomises 52 people—enemies of the organisation as well as a few others to disperse suspicion—and assigns them a card identity unbeknownst to the players. Players collect a hand of five cards by assassinating Cards on the list. The loser of each deal gets the blame for all deaths in the round.

Plot: Adrian continues to gamble with his organisation, hoping to win the jackpot to split his winnings with the victims of his killings. For this round of dealing, however, Helen turns out to be one of the Cards, and Adrian scrambles to her side. Between trying to assemble his own hand and continuing to hide his actions from her, keeping her alive proves to be quite a task.

Point of View: Third person, limited to Adrian.

I already have a cover idea, too—a dark background with a young woman (Helen). Her back is turned towards us, and she's wearing some sort of backless dress so that we can see the design of the Seven of Diamonds on her back, bloodlike.