Macbay Transportation Services Excerpt

Here's a sample of a situation in Macbay Transportation Services I felt like writing. It's not at all the beginning of the story, but some version of this event will be part of the novel. As always, constructive criticism is appreciated.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yawning, Macbay watched the yellow-orange of Laurie's headlamps pass over the main street of Havil. There were few passersby at this hour, but there were plenty of buildings at either side of the pavement. Needless to say, there could still be some nasty damage if he let the truck drift off the road. He wasn't on a trip, anyway. No need to stay awake too awfully long.

Humming faintly, he led the truck past some number of buildings before a reasonably large parking space opened up to the right. After briefly checking for pedestrians, he pulled over, parked straight enough, and killed the engine. 

It's not worth it to put the lights out, he decided, briefly swishing some mouthwash and spitting it out the side window. Kicking off his heavy shoes, he locked the doors and climbed onto the thin mattress in the back of the cab.

He had been asleep for a short while when a heavy, repetitive clanking woke him. Checking his pocketwatch with a groan, he rubbed his eyes and sat up. The metallic clanking paused before resuming more loudly.

"I'm coming," hollered Macbay, sitting up. The racket finally stopped.

Now let's just hope it's not someone here to arrest me. I'm pretty sure there's still evidence for something or other hanging around somewhere.

With a grunt, he pulled himself back into the driving seat and stuck his head and shoulders out of the open window. It wasn't yet dawn, but there were enough flickering flames in streetlights for him to see the figure just outside, hovering near the advertising panel of the truck.

It was a lady—or maybe just "woman" would be appropriate, given the hour she was out and the general lack of clothing on her person. Although a short-sleeved sienna jacket covered most of her upper body, the front of her tight-fitting button-up shirt was visible. Aside from that, she was wearing short pants of all things, the hemmed edges more than halfway up her thigh. While her outfit was certainly less than modest, Macbay didn't mind much.

I think this'll be a fun drive.

"Looking for a ride?" Macbay started.

"Yes, and fast," she responded, voice cold. 

Macbay reached to tip his hat before realizing he wasn't wearing it. "I can manage that. Climb on in."

The woman gave a curt nod and hurried to the passenger door. Macbay unlocked it for her, and she stepped inside, slamming the panel shut behind her.

"Where are we headed?" Macbay started, slipping on his shoes as he got the engine cranking.

"Anywhere," the woman replied breathlessly, setting down a black bag and glancing out of the window.

"Careful what you say," Macbay replied with a grin, coaxing Laurie to start moving forwards. "Might have to travel pretty far with a nice-looking girl like you."

The woman's only reply was a "hmph" as she crossed her arms.

Around the truck echoed the clanking of the engine in full swing as Macbay pulled out of the parking space. Tossing on his hat, he glanced sideways at the woman, who continued to check the windows and mirrors.

"Might I inquire your name, miss?" he started.

She glanced at him before checking behind them again and finally pulling her head into the vehicle. "Loretta May."

"Sounds like a lovely name to me."

Crossing her legs, she didn't turn her head to look at him. "Shut up and drive, Macbay."

"All right, then." Turning off of the main street, Macbay pressed harder on the coal pedal, and the two went off into the night without another word.

Oh, well. She'll fall for my charms soon enough.